Here is a funny that was sent to me . > December 8 6:00 PM >> >> 0A >> It started to snow. The first snow of the season and >> The wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by >> The window watching the huge soft flakes drift down >> From heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So >> Romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! >> >> >> December 9 >> >> We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow >> Covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic >> Sight! Can there be a more lovely place in >> The whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've >> Ever had! >> Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a >> Boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks >> This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered&n bsp; >> Up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got >> To shovel again. What a perfect life! >> >> >> December 12 >> >> The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a >> Disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry- >> We'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on >> Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much >> Snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see >> Snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such >> A nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor. >> >> 0A >> >> December 14 >> >> Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The >> Temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything >> Sparkle so The wind took my breath away, but I warmed >> Up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is >> The life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and >> Buried everything again. I didn't >> Realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, >> But I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish >> I wouldn't huff and puff so. >> >> >> December 15 >> >> 20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 >> Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 >> Extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants >> A wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think >> that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all. >> >> >> December 16 >> >> Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in >> The driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The >> Wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very >> Cruel. >> >> >> December 17 >> >> Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go >> Anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to >> Pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but >> Stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I >> Should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to >> Her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe >> I'm freezing to death in my own livingroom. >> >> >> December 20 >> >> Electricity is back on, but had another 14 inches of >> The damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all >> Day. The damn snowplow came by twice. >> Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said >> They're too busy playing hockey. I think they're >> Lying. >> Called the only hardware store around to see about >> Buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have >> Another shipment in March. I think they're lying Bob >> Says I have to shovel or the city will have it done >> And bill me. I think he's lying. >> >> >> December 22 >> >> Bob was right about a white Christmas because 1 3 more >> Inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold, >> It probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes >> To get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I >> Had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and >> Dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to >> Hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of >> The winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the >> Asshole is lying. >> >> >> December 23 >> >> Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. >> The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house >> This morning. What is she, nuts?!! >> Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She >> Says she did but I think she's lying. >> 0A >> >> >> December 24 >> >> 6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke >> The shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I >> Ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow >> Plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and >> Beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he >> Hides around the corner and waits for me to finish >> Shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 >> Miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just >> Been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas >> Carols with her and open our presents, but I was too >> busy watching for the damn snowplow. >> >> >> December 25 >> >> Merry f---ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn >> slop tonight - Snowed in >> The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate >> the snow! >> Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation >> and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife >> says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking >> idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one >> more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave. >> >> >> December 26 >> >> Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It >> was all HER idea. >> She's really getting on my nerves. >> >> >> December 27 >> >> Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; >> plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he >> only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes. >> >> 0A >> >> December 28 >> >> Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH is >> driving me crazy!!! >> >> >> December 29 >> >> 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or >> it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever >> heard. How dumb does he think I am? >> < div> >> >> >> December 30 >> >> Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now >> he is suing me for a million dollars, not only for the >> beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the >> broken snow shovel up his ass. The wife went home to >> her mother. >> Nine more inches predicted. >> >> >> December 31 >> >> I set fire to what's left of the house. No more >> shoveling. >> >> >> January 8 >> >> Feel so good. I just love those little white pills >> they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed? >
