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Squirrel Story


Hackworth

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aaaaaaaaaahahahaha!

just a moment ago, I was almost to my apartment when i come over a little rise and there he is: target, squirrel! my target was right in the middle of the street. as i closed the distance, i notice the squirrel was facing the other way with his back toward my tank, er volvo. flank attack! so, i gunned it. i squared my wheels to the left and right of my target to ensure no escape when the moment came. the alas, my time came and i flinched. i had him too; he didn't move until it was too late and then he only started to turn his turret, er head. i could not send this little, helpless fool of a creature to the Keeper of the_List. i looked back in my rear-view mirror, laughing hysterically, and witnessed his escape -- no doubt, scared shitless and thinking real hard about playing in the street again. i hope one day to be forgiven by you all.

do you have one?

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While trying to keep the squirrels from raiding my bird feeder one day, I fired a shot out of my back door at my target some 20 yards away. I was using a Crossman CO2 powered BB/pellet revolver about 350fps loaded with standard BBs. My intent was sting him bad enough so as to make him shy of approaching the feeder again. I carefully lined up my shot as my target suddenly noticed me and froze on all-fours facing me staring me down.

I pulled the trigger and heard the expected pop, but to my surprise the squirrel staggered a moment then fell from the branch of the tree he was perched on. He lay motionless on the ground. I went out to examine the squirrel. The BB had managed to penetrate his chest. The round must have had an extra amount force behind it from the fresh CO2 canister I had put in the pistol before the shot. I uncerimoniously scooped up the body with a shovel and dumped it into weeds behind my backyard fence.

I then advanced to "electronic" warfare against the squirrels. I took a electric fence module that put out a non-lethal jolt with enough of a shock to make any living thing think twice about touching it a second time.

I mounted it in a plastic box under my deck and ran a long insulated wire over to the tree where my bird feeder hung from a homemade 2x4 support arm I had strapped to a tree that had no low branches. On the top of the arm extending away from the tree I had stapled two "pads" made from metal gutter guard. Each pad was wired to one wire of the electronic fence module. When the squirrel touched both pads at the same time he completed the circuit and got the shock of his life. Man did they ever jump!

I eventually found a better anti-squirrel feeder and mounting solution and retired my gadget.

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